Foreskins for Ratzy!
The Catholic Church should go after adult male foreskins.. and not just Catholic foreskins, this should be a volume game. Pyramid games. The Amway way.... Suffer the little foreskins to come unto Ratzy... fold your hands and pray, this won't hurt.
Don't try to hide from Mother Church. Or Papa Ratzy...
some pope any pope they are all the same
Jesus loves you, yes he does.
After they are removed (snip snip snip snip snip snip) the Catholic foreskins are collected and sent to Ratzy, he counts them. A close watch is kept. This is vital business. Skin flick.
You have heard of the Catholic ''purse''? The collection plate? Foreskins, church building fund... all of a ... piece. Snic.ker. Once they said Catholic foreskins were vital, the most vital, but they want MORE. They want to control non-Catholics. They want to share power with the Fundies (merge with the mega-churches, yum!). With anyone actually, they are not picky. They never ever were.
The Catholic Church, to extend it's power (the world should be its clover lined oyster bed) offers to make a political treaty, a common cause of sorts, with the out-of-power Democratic Party. To extend power, they seek to de-secularise the last remnants of a once powerful Democratic Party, then on to godless Europe! But first, lay siege to a party now bent at the knees forever - or until rescued, the hapless Dems think... White Knight ads were run for McCain. He said Get Lost, it was not even worth a ''cheney you". An easy take down, and so it goes.
The dominate relationship of the Catholic Church is with the Republican party. They can be post modern when they wanna be!
Entwined they are, the Repubs and the Catholic hierarchy...deep thrusting, no condom in view. Who can tell who is in whose orifice(s). Sounds like the statistical outcome of "abstinence": anal fucking for Jeeesus. Miracle of miracles, some even get pregnant that way... those cwazy spermatozoa!
quite a few bedrooms, all for Jeesus!, the Blessed Holy Eucharist is in there somewhere!
A veritable fuckball. Bernard Cardinal Law, in luxurious exile at Santa Maria Maggiore in Rome (see above), has Bush and his preferred ecclesiastical Roman haberdasher on speed dial.
Poor Dems. A handmaiden (be one!) offering again... well, nothing new, dregs for years now. It's the Newer New Deal. NND. Sloganise it. Run it on the internet (just don't promise as much fundraising as you once did...;).
Chew on the Holy Wafer. Guzzle the Blessed Wine. Body and Blood. Let's have some. Don't forget: War! means lots of bodies and lots of blood... god clapped his chubby hands in glee!
Many overtures are made, not all Democrats think this is a great idea. To be fair, the fuckball moves on view are ... untidy, ewww, at best! Looks like someone gets hurt in that FuckBall. Not all want to join that deal!.
But then, political wilderness...Ooooo, lost in the desert! Will it be 40 days, 40 months, or, EEEK! Will it be Forty Fucking Years!?!?!....
The massively thrusting religio-politico Holy FuckBall is looking... hmmm, OK actually...
Better than OK: Bring. It. On.
The poor sod who ran, and fell, actually talks of running again. Geesh, that is the definition of insanity.... check him, he must still have his foreskin. They say the foreskin affects the brain. Catholics say that. Fundies agree. Dobson concurs. Perkins dials David Duke (there is money in the game). Find Ralph Reed, is he still with the gambling redskins?
Richard Viguerie has a direct mail/internet sales pitch lined up: www.foreksinsneedtogo.org. Krempasky is right there too: www.foreskinfacts.org. His stays, or goes, elites are exempt. Viguerie does not care, he'll sell his to Ratzy. Offers are out to ''friends'', they can buy in, be elites. Elite kapos get to count foreskins. It is a paying job.
Kerry swore he did not have one (a few other things were missing too) and Newsweek believed him, in fact they wrote him up as a prickless wonder. Dems were wounded, looking down, checking constantly... Did they have one of anything? It was fucking embarrassing, prickless, spineless, but the foreskin too?
Salvation: If they give up the foreskins (other peoples') Ratzy says, Dobson says, Perkins says, hell David Duke says (he gets a special rake off, a percentage of the black ones, all part of the deal), the Dems then can say they have pricks.... (Poor Dems, always ambushed... and never seeing it coming.)
Presto chango: Foreskins are offending! Repeat it over and over - makes it real.
Hard(er) times are coming for the Democratic Party, they thought Bush Hate would do it, hell they are still running against him, but not standing up to him. Well, they are confused.
Social issues are ''messy'', Al From says so (when he talks about "working with" poor children in the south "40 years ago" my skin crawls, why is that I wonder?), but poor Dems, they thought "messy", that it was gays and abortion. Does that mean foreskins are expendable, but wanted by the Church? Hmmm, straights have them too!... what does it all mean? Then they learn: elites are exempt. And there is CA... they will revolt. Water wars, foreskin wars...there will be a foreskin-neutral zone in the 9 Bay Area Counties.
OK, no problem: foreskins (give yours up that is) for Majority Leader.
they just want that extra bit at the top... OK?
It's an extra thing right? You don't NEED it, do you? It is sort of an antique embellishment for the old sword? A fanciful cap for the little you down there? You'd give it up for Majority Leader, now wouldn't you?
You give us what we want now, then later... hmm ... then later we will protect, well, we'll protect something... trust us. You know you can. Anyway, we're all you have.
Get used to it, or did you vote for Nader?, you scum you. Scum bag, that is what you are if you will not give us what we need, oops, what you need!, for Majority Leader...shut up you!, don't speak against the Leader... he is only semi soft, not a real hard ass on the social issues. Trust us...
Banner that! At the Democratic Sites. Big Box Blogs: FORESKINS GO. They are horrible. Horrible. Horrible. NO not the pricks, not the men (you silly, you)... just those foreskins. And, who needs 'em.
Meanwhile back at the Dems' card tables... or, by now, they are working from old folding ironing boards:
Unable to wise up, or get a new agenda ... well, it's not quite an agenda, but they ordered in, phoned it out, something close to that: They got Uniforms. Phoning it in, or out, as the ancient Roman sun shines and the afternoon wears on, the pizza margherita e vino rosso is served to them, they look across at the Victor Emmanuel monument... they are so detached, still in Italy. La Dolce Vita is easier... elsewhere.
So: Send uniforms in to do duty. Get elected in a uniform - break the Kerry curse (don't forget poor Max, down in GA!, break that curse too... ).
Reagan did it for Vietnam, toe in the water, America was on to greatness!, so bomb Grenada! (or Montserrat, same dif, no one notices, no one cares). Win office in a uniform... America will be back!, brought to you by the Dems. Laugh now. Laugh later too.
Aides will handle forwarding the uniforms to various races coming up, Hackett says it will work... he is now an expert and the Dems are desperado. Hell, he did almost as well as Kerry (point spread) and without Shrum.... Issue the wives uniforms... the tropical pink suit (beige shoes) Jane Sullivan Roberts wore to the WH will work... order some. Lots. Boys in blue, little girls in yellow.
Match. Line up. NO Ruby Slippers. Kill Toto. The Tin Man does not get a heart, not in this story....
For reasons of health, sanity, short term electoral politics and National Security, it is now clear (as air), it is official, somehow FORESKINS are screwing up everything in sight. Even freeway over passes are clogged due to FORESKINS. Smog is due to FORESKINS. Call Lakoff. Not pricks at issue mind you, it's FORESKINS.
The Church must be right, because every time a Democrat goes on Hardball (!) that funny Tweety guy says,
are you people, still and again, gonna bleat at me, make me think about FORESKINS? (he gets faxes too ya know)... do you people realise you are losing the nation, the whole damned nation, due to FORESKINS?
And the little Dems cringe. Gotta get some snipped foreskins, add to Ratzy's collection. Gotta look good to Tweety. Zell might yell. Rove might dial Pinch Sulzberger (nobody calls Keller). Bill only cares if aging gay Jewish R operatives (the unwanted white meat) who wanna Marry in MASS come after Hilpac. Other than that, he dials Bar for advice.
The Catholics, various Red Staters, fundies and others are pushing a new group, Foreskin Hunters Gatherers for Life America (FGfLA).
Men of adult age will (it's a plan) present to be examined for absence of foreskin. A doctorâ€™s determination, certified or not, is not acceptable. Religion trumps science, get with the program!
All boy babies, male children will be snipped by state supervised (all governors are official saints on earth, Crisco annointings), blue ribbon certified, foreskin snipper whipper clippers. Non-religious are barred from serving. The Schindlers, late of Pinelllas Co FL, have a franchise.
Dominoes Pizza can arrange it too, a sideline. There is no Mafioso!, they said it again today when they endorsed Scalito... funny, they looked like the Mafia. And, he looks like the legal front for a really big scam....
Want an altar boy? It can be arranged.
''Forty years ago there was a bountiful supply of altar boys to help during Masses at St. Boniface"
Really, it is harmless! just like opening your bags on the subway or getting a third degree feel up at the airport, what have you got to hide? A foreskin?
Well, are you hiding one?
NOTE: in Newdowe v Casey, Newdowe said, Jesus cannot ask for your foreskin, there is no Jesus.
Bob Casey said, if there is no Jesus then I am insane, so sue me. Unfortunately Casey won... sr, jr, who cares!, it is a congealing fuckball, Schumer and Rendell in the middle: EWWW Reid Rahm Clintons (all of them, another congealing mess) and Pelosi on the sidelines, here, have some Wet Wipes.
hmmm Have some Dry Wipes too, come to think of it.
It is a big deal and horrible, horrible, horrible: NOBODY likes foreskins, nobody... and the shame, the conscience, the soul, the quickening, the cells split, zygote, blastocyst, embryo, cells, stem cells... snowflakes for Jesus! Every snowflake is blessed. And manufactured. And white.
Anyway the upshot is you need help to deal with it, the great loss, the tragedy. Jesus says it is a tragedy. Tweety said it is, Hillary agreed ("values come from religion')... and it loses votes (more important!).
The help is so valuable it is not ''undue'' interference. You must watch a film of it (The Holy Snip) being done to a horse first, then to a man, so you understand the procedure. You must wait 24 hours between the horse snip video (barf bags on hand, they are white with red crosses) to then view the snip job on the human... you need to ponder this. It is a test, as it happens.
You must view the videos at a Catholic Church. Holy (it is so too holy!) water must be available if you faint. Jesus wants to help you. He does exist. This is Morality...the American Passion Play sans Oberammergau... and you will endure it. Don't worry, if you faint and pass out, they do the surgery anyway. Signatures have no legal bearing anymore: if you cannot disagree you cannot agree. Remember, Bob Casey's (jr or sr, who cares, they congealed) position is one of ''conscience''. Poor Howard said so.
Dominion Baby. Get used to it. If you let it in now: may it get you. Oh, and fuck you. Just in passing, nothing personal, it's for Majority Leader. Suure. And doughnuts are canonised in Hell. Same thing as Democratic Majority Leader anytime soon: Will not be happening.
Uncollected, still attached foreskin (that is a plural sort of thing) quickly must be deemed a possible factor in insanity, instability, hysteria... and whatever else.
Legislate that! Also, there is shame in having one. Spread the word. Jesus said he does not want all these abortions! ... poor Jimmy Carter is saying that now... well, he also cut off the hard liquor at the WH all those years ago, about as smart as saying he knows what Jesus says about anything or falling in with Baker over, somebody help us all, this one matters, an ID for voting. Fuck 'em all for making a tragic joke of American life.
It's in Isaiah (if not make it up, Bush does) Revelations and the Book of Job, the presence of a foreskin may slow the motility of sperm -- no more true than what the US Catholic Bishops and others push about abortion, about the rules under Roe, about cancer and abortion.
Soon, that slow motility will be illegal: "slo-mo no mo", there are plans for enforced motility testing (or morality testing, same thing), but damn, those with foreskins cannot convince the foreskinless, who say, go with the flow baby, it's for Majority Leader. You got a problem with that you scumbag?
So, think about it: you need to get rid of the foreskin NOW. What have you got to hide? Or should we arrest you now? We can. The Executive is authorising NORCOM to be in charge of North America (dominion), soon it will be in place (Hallmark card being prepared to announce this to the Canadians, dual language version, for now). By the way, for the government, New Orleans went really well. A success. Iraqis understand that sort of American success.
Remember: Anybody in America can grow up to be a Terrist. Anybody.
Protest is not rising in the nation. If it does not come from the people (''we the people'') there is none. The leaders do not save you, they use you for barter.
The political party out of power, detached, in Italy, still at the
Victor Emmanuel monument
transfixed... mesmerised, drunk really, they know they will win, next time... but are fearful all day long of being rent asunder -- so biblical. But the DC party has no soul, it should not worry, there has been no quickening, not for decades, no body and blood to rent asunder. To allay their fears (FDR spins in his grave, Eleanor was disgusted in 1960, she is not shocked not spinning) they decide they should seek an official alliance with the ever growing (they know from quickening) Catholic based group Foreskin Hunters (No really, they mean to say Gatherers, they just forget) for Life America. (FGfLA) Believe me, LBJ is horrified that these Democrats don't know how to win elections.
The hunters, uh, gatherers, are promising 95% fewer foreskins hanging around in 10 years. They Swear, and they really really mean itâ€¦ also the Nation will be healthier, thinner, safer with this in place. Ports will be safe. Bridges. Buses and trains too. Subways, that is trickier, if you open your bags, then we will be safe. Or 5 shots to the head, two to the shoulders (we still ape the Brits, yearn for a monarch, our achilles heel forever).... and we ship your body home. Clear customs and go. to. Mama. Forever.
Swear on a pile of foreskins. Double Double Chocolate Chip Swear. On a Bible. Two Bibles. We've got more bibles, you want one?
For all this slop: we (FH-GFLA) make it clear that we will underwrite certain candidates. What we offer is a political treaty: Give us, the Catholic Church, the Red State Loons, the Crooked Shooter McCains, the Baptised by Opus Dei Brownbacks, Borks, Novaks, Mrs Poindexter, the loose-lipped Bidens, the tired old Hacks ReidEnsign (there are not two parties) -- give the aforementioned ''us'', the foreskins of potential voters (dominion) and we have a Working Political Alliance! Have some fortified wine to celebrate, feeling frisky? licentious? you want an altar boy? It can be arranged.
Forget that the men (those not limp from the get go) will refuse, depart the party and be disgusted at the weakness of the politicians. The poor will suffer the most. Especially those who depend on Church Food Pantries. Foreskin on, no food. But, Who Cares?, they, the poor, are in the way (or with us forever, same dif), let's have FEWER of them. Die. We won't notice. The Church will agree, the poor can die, they will just explain, the poor wanted condoms (dominion).
Can't have that, but you can have an altar boy, you want one? Cut or uncut, select from the list. See how much it all matters?
We serve OJ and doughnuts after the foreskin snip, see? We care. And we give you a picture of the tiny baby Jesus (Worship the Baby!, in fact, worship the monthly slough too)... that lights up in the dark. Swear, double double swear, trade in your foreskin for a Bible. It's Holy and it will save you.
Have a blessed wafer cookie, it's kosher too. Bow down. Face Rome or DC. Hell, go to Mecca, Las Cruces NM. We don't care. Dominion.
Good luck and see how it feels.
Remember it is your prick, your foreskin and they (there is always a â€˜â€™theyâ€™â€™) LIED about it. Then they all got together and agreed on the lies. It was all politics. Is all politics. All of it. Meanwhile bin Laden got away and Musharraff is on top (of somebody), Robertson knows why Sharon stroked out (JesusLand got smaller, except it did not). And Bush diddles Reid. Equal opportunity, he diddles Frist too. Yeah yeah, it's Rove and Cheney, it's just another FuckBall: BushCo. PoppyCo. Fixers for Life America.
The Democratic Party bartered the lies for power, or so they thought.... but then they are still at the Victor Emmanuel monument in Rome, so what do they know? About anything.
I have no pity for you. It was a political decision, make them all the time. Oops! the foreskins had to go. This time it was the extraneous (unless you wanted yours) foreskins.
Dominionists, it's a blood thirsty group, they will be back. For blood. But you will get the Lorena Bobbit vote. Some year, somewhere. That's a promise.
Finally, I think Hillary is right morally. Abortion is probably necessary in a society that (purposely) does such a bad job of educating its youth about sex and does not give a s**t about poor kids once theyâ€™ve been born. But for most people itâ€™s a personal tragedy. To celebrate it as a â€œright" is a big mistake, given what an unhappy experience it is for all concerned. Whatâ€™s more, a lot of people think itâ€™s murder and their religion tells them this is true. Why canâ€™t we respectfully disagree? How does that diminish anyone? Grow up, everybody. - Eric Alterman
And Eric knows so damned much about abortion.
I hope if you made it this far, you feel dizzy and near beaten to death with lies, repetition, authority based on nothing real - and religion.
That was the intention.
[this first appeared August 9, 2005 at Liberal Street Fight. It has been edited slightly, additional text and imagery added]