Ambrose Bierce defined "telephone" as:

An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeable person keep his distance.

He defined "telescope" as:

A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided with a bell summoning us to the sacrifice.

These "Decider Ringtones" are a funny way to be summoned.

[Disclosure: I have no financial interest in this site or its promotion whatsoever.]

Relevant Devil's Dictionary entries:

• finance - The art or science of managing revenues and resources for the best advantage of the manager. The pronunciation of this word with the i long and the accent on the first syllable is one of America's most precious discoveries and possessions.
• president - The leading figure in a small group of men of whom -- and of whom only -- it is positively known that immense numbers of their countrymen did not want any of them for President.
• decide - To succumb to the preponderance of one set of influences over another set.

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