Time to review the conservative "values" and perceptions of reality:

1. Torture is okay as long as we do it. If we didn't torture bad guys -- and if we caught them, we know that they're bad guys -- we'd be "too civilized."
2. Amnesty International is offensive if it criticizes anything that the Bush Administration does, but it's the bee's knees for all its criticisms of regimes we don't like (like Saddam Hussein's rule).
3. Feminism is a result of hormonal imbalances making women want to be men.
4. Women dominate universities. In fact, women in universities are picking on men. Poor men!
5. Women debase our society by seeking to acquire birth control.
6. Abused women should be imprisoned for failing to prevent abusive men from abusing their children.
7. Women are rabid abortionists who must be stopped by Constitutional amendment.
8. In fact, women are just wrong in every way.
9. Fiscal responsibility is only important if the Democrats are in power.
10. Saying something over and over and louder and louder makes it true.
11. Ethics are for wussies.
12. Chicken hawks who never served in war are the best people to decide whether we should go to war, and how to wage the war.
13. Party loyalty is more important than national interest.
14. "Deep Throat" was a fucking traitor and rat.
15. It's not fascism if it has an American flag on its lapel.
16. The corporate owned and operated media conglomerates have a liberal bias.
17. Christianity means being able to hate righteously.
18. Islamic fundamentalism is bad, but Christian fundamentalism is salvation.
19. Armageddon is coming, so shut up already about the environment! God gave us the environment to fuck up!
20. Shut up!
21. Freedom in other countries is the best hope for the world, but freedom in America is a sign of weakness.
22. Thinking is a sign of weakness.
23. Reality is irrelevant.
24. The biggest threat to the security and economic future of America is gay marriage.
25. The federal government has no business meddling in people's private lives, except in areas that the radical right wingnuts have hangups about.
26. The United States consists of the Old South, plus a couple of others. The rest of the people don't live in America and should just shut up.
27. The Environmental Protection Agency is the modern Gestapo.
28. Rich thieves have good moral values. Poor working folk have bad moral values.
29. Pharmacists have feelings, too, and should be allowed to play doctor.
30. Not teaching kids about the birds and the bees is the best way to prevent unwanted teen pregnancy.
31. Not teaching people about AIDS is the best way to prevent it.
32. Condoms are bad and give you cancer.
33. Hate is the best moral value of all.
34. Jesus didn't really mean it when he said blessed are the meek, blessed are the poor, etc.
35. Today Jesus would be a Republican and bombing the shit out of the bad people in the world.
36. Child molestation is a homosexual issue, because when adult men molest little girls it doesn't count.
37. You should have only as many civil rights as you can afford.
38. Bankruptcy should be allowed only for people who can stay rich even if bankrupt.
39. Ethics are only important if Democrats are in power.
40. Even though America was founded by people fleeing religious persecution, America is a Christian nation with the right to persecute non-Evangelical Christians.
41. Thump on the Bible, but for God's sake don't read it!
42. The deaths of our soldiers in Iraq should not be discussed because to honor them would weaken America.
43. The best way to honor our soldiers is to support policies that put them into impossible situations, with no clear mission, to do what they were not trained to do.
44. A terrorist is anyone who does not agree with wingnuts.
45. There's an epidemic in this country of women's violence against men.
46. Truman was a wimp because he didn't continue World War 2 and attack a larger Soviet army.
47. FDR would have endorsed privatizing Social Security.
48. What's good for bankers is good for America.
49. "We the People" is just a special interest group.
50. "Sith" is a bad movie because it makes knee-jerk conservatism look bad.
51. Despite 40 million people without health insurance, and despite a rising infant mortality rate, America has the best healthcare system in the world.
52. Solutions to problems are only worth trying if someone can get rich facilitating it.
53. Shut up!

I guess I underestimated the scope of this undertaking. I need to take a break. It is Saturday, after all!

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