The next time some conservative lashes out on *welfare*, the catch-all phrase for public assistance of any kind, you have my permission to punch them in the face.

I used to tell conservatives that they should consider public assistance a sort of insurance, a shakedown if they still have to hold a grudge for paying taxes (because every dime, you know, that you take from them goes to the poor who won't help themselves to become the rich fucks, oops, people with upper-level jobs that require higher education at very good schools) to prevent a whole scale revolution, much like the very one that founded this country as an independent state or made Cuba a suddenly uncomfortable place for the weathy to live.
Without paying some money to keep the poor from starving, there will be that revolution. You cannot keep buying movie screen style tvs and extra cars and top of the line computers and expect to not get resentment from people living on the fringe, not expect them to strike back and loot their lives. Really, it's a small price to pay to live in the lifestyle they have become comfortable living.

There is so much resentment of the poor. People love to lash out at them and they are the ones who own the media and pay for the politician to recite this mantra. "The poor take advantage of us! Amen!" And the disenfranchised have so little to help them.

What about crime? the right says. You can't teach the poor to live right because they live in violent neighborhoods and they bring that violence to their schools which prevent *our* teachers from giving them a good education which prevents them from earning scholarships (and how many scholarships are there anyway? Certainly not enough to give every student a chance.) And there is that whole Affirmative Action thing that creates barrier for our children. What about us? They are interfering with our rights!

That *violence* they love to bring up is practice. I promise it is. It is practice for that revolution I believe will happen in my lifetime if things do not change.

i am still seeking forms of PA not because I don't want to work, I've worked my whole life,I have a job still waiting for me for the next month before they have to declare the position open. When i return, I return to my seniority position. I even have 5 months following where if the position remains open, I still return to my former job with my seniority. (Thank you Union!!), but because bipolar disorder has prevented me for sometime from going. i can't get stable right now, despite the best efforts of a very bright and caring doctor and every effort of my heart and soul to get out of this. It's maddening and hard to have your mind imploding and have no control whatsoever.

I went last monday to get food stamps (see previous blog) and was told to return on the 1st. Due to doctors appointments, I could not go until the 2nd, but I was there when it opened. I waited only 1/2 hour to have my application looked over and then be scheduled an appointment for next Friday (the earliest date I could get). After that, if you are approved, food stamps take a month to come, unless you can convince them you are in immediate need. If so, you get them in 5 days. That means, with my current resources which are absolutely meager, before I can get help with food, I will have waited 19 days! And I could not qualify before the 1st of the month of sept.

Then I went to the state disability offfice (another building) and filled out an application and submitted the same forms of id, bank accts, ER visits unpaid, rent and doctor's notes. I went through a long interview and was told that I will probably qualify, however, I won't get any money for up to 180 days. Not that it matters as it is only $412 a MONTH!!! Now she suggested I apply for public assistance (the base of welfare). I can only do this when I take meds that keep me really stoned so I don't get manic, a frightening state where I become really aggressive and possibly start throwing things or attacking people. In my heart I know this not something I want to do, so I stay home as much as possible so I don't do these things. Soon, without help, I will lose my internet/phone connection as my bill is overdue. I might as well sell my computer I bought three years ago for $250 which now might be worth $75. It's an awful feeling for someone who stays home so much out of fear of hurting someone, but it will happen.

When I asked the woman who took my application why all these offices, which are run by NY state, are not hooked up to one interview, one process, she rolled her eyes with disgust. "It's ridiculous, I know. We are different departments and none of us know what we are doing. It's frustrating." And funny too, because as she went through my paperwork, I wrote my name with my middle initial. My paperwork came back with my middle name spelled out. these computers have real connections, just not with each other.

My final word today is: Everyone says that there is help out there, you don't need to hurt yourself because you are broke and that only adds to the chemical depression. But this help is so difficult to go through, so hard to find and refile the same information over and over and takes too fucking long to receive. What am i supposed to do in the meantime? Sell drugs? Prostitute myself? Rob a store?----Of course, if I am convicted of a felony, I lose my chances at PA of any kind. But that is immediate help. And if I do get caught and go to jail, as horrible as that place is, I will still keep a roof over my head, get fed and keep on the medications I take without filling out a single application. How strange is that?

The revolution is coming, ladies and gentlemen. You may want to think about who's side you are on.