How to Find the Bunny's Tale


9 comments posted
I'm asking
I choked on his review as I am a cocktail waitress and no, it hasn't changed very much. Not really. I won't even go into it unless someone asks.

Do tell, please!

media girl's picture
Posted by media girl on 17 August 2005 - 11:29am
I will. tomorrow, i promise

I will. tomorrow, i promise to regale you with frighteningly funny stories of sexism in the NYC bar/restaurant biz.

gballsout's picture
Posted by gballsout on 17 August 2005 - 9:10pm
sexism in the 21st century in NYC bar biz

i've witnessed so much, I'll have to update regularly.

-pre-shift meeting, midtown NYC, "Girls, you need to wear some makeup. Look how nice so and so looks." I confront him at the floor mgr afterwards, furious. Reply: "It's basic hygenie."

-I promote a woman to an open bar position. She had covered every open shift, was totally competent and happier behind the bar. Owner approaches me, "Why did you do that? Didn't you interview anyone else?" Me: "Why? We have a perfect person already trained who's happy to be here and has shown a very good record for attendance. Plus, the floor is overstaffed, none of the servers are making much money b/c of that and she said, she'd be willing to cover shifts on the floor if needed." Him: I don't like girls behind the bar. They should just serve drinks.

After a man patted my ass and I told him (with fury) to never do that again, my boss went up to him and told him he really shouldn't do that but I only got so mad b/c it was "my time of the month". When I confronted boss, he said "he's a regular, I didn't want to make him mad."

high end Italian, French and Steakhouses do not hire female servers. They don't bother to look at applicants' experience. Tho I can't prove it, it was confided to me by another server friend who recommended me to the steakhouse he worked in. They hired a guy with simply no ability to even hold a tray. Later, this friend told me that as far as he could tell, the steakhouse hired women occasionally so they could seem to be following the law, but then the mgrs. would make life so hard for the woman that she wouldn't stay. (following her around, questioning her every move, confronting her if she didn't follow their service guidelines, such as occasionally not putting a cocktail napkin down before placing a drink, or somesuch that other waiters *broke* all the time.

In a high end hotel, a mgr became *famous* for his sexually predatory acts and *jokes*. Example: One server was particularly "endowed". When she was talking to a bartender about her new jeep and her insurance and was asked how she got such a good price on her insurance, said mgr quickly interjected, "she comes equipped with her own airbags" Then went around the whole dept and retold the joke.

someone reported it to hr and he got his hand slapped despite the fact that this is a multi-national, high end hotel business. i'll get back to this later, but this guy didn't get fired before things got out of hand.

gballsout's picture
Posted by gballsout on 18 August 2005 - 9:58am
I hope you make a blog series

This is fprobably shocking to your average liberal there-is-no-more-need-for-feminism Joe.

media girl's picture
Posted by media girl on 18 August 2005 - 9:59pm
More on that manager

Who I will call Terry b/c that's his name.

One of the female cooks (and this was a surprise to me b/c in my years of working in restaurants and hotels I'd never seen a female cook unless she was a pastry chef) was rubbing oil on potatoes for dinner prep. Terry comes by and says, "Gee, I wish I was a potato right now." he was overheard by the Sous chef, who also happens to be a woman and the kind that takes no shit whatsoever, who reported him for this. again, a nice little red hand he gets. So now, he walks around the dept saying: "have you heard the joke about the potato who got new airbags?"

This guy is fucking unbelievable!!! Clearly handslapping only keeps him going. My turn. We have beepers in the cocktail lounge b/c we serve food and the kitchen is downstairs. this is a new thing (and one we were grateful for as it eliminated extra trips downstairs). Terry asks our beeper numbers. Girl A says "6"!---a jokey little reference to a Pixies song, for those who might know. He looks at me and I say, "8". Terry says, "I thought it would be 9". I look at him completely fucking floored. I cannot believe that he said that, so it actually takes a second to absorb it. Terry says, "oh, don't you get the joke?" I reply, "you just can't help yourself, can you? do you have like Tourettes or something?" And he looks at me with coy innocence, "I didn't say a thing."

Later, he checks in on me in the waitress stand, where we keep silverware and coffee and shit like that. It has a door, which we try to keep closed so hotel guests don't have to see what actual work looks like and he says, "I'd like you to keep this door open, you know, so I can keep an eye on you two." the other server is the comely and endowed woman I mentioned earlier. I told him to get the fuck out of there. I've had it. (Yes, I swear when people act like total assholes. I'm daring him to take me to HR so I can explain why)

Later, in the middle of the rush, he walks by me and says, "so did you get the joke yet, or do I have to draw you a diagram?" I told him to get the fuck out of my face or I would smash my tray right into his trap. He left me alone for the rest of the night.

This gets even better!! this is friday night, so I can't go to HR until Monday morning. I hand in a typed complaint covering every aspect of his behavior. The head of HR (a woman!!!) says, "I told him this is the last time! (Shouldn't the first time be the last time? Maybe the second?) Second in command says, "Couldn't you have just told him to cut it out?"---My letter included my "get the fuck out" and the threat to smash a tray in his face!! could I possibly be explicit? And what about women who aren't as aggressive as I? The law is clear and HR is supposed to protect them.

Now, there is a mass exodus of managers in F&B (food and beverage). One woman leaves absolutely furious with her drunk boss and the drunk boss get caught falling down drunk on the job. (I'm not kidding, he fell off his barstool). We were already short a manager, so Terry and one little ass-kissing shit are left. One Friday night, I get called away from my busy station and asked to go to HR. I ask if I need a delegate and am told no. (We're union). I get there and am told that i am fired. I burst into tears. I have no problem letting people know that they have hurt me. I don't play stiff upper lip shit, b/c I will also punch people in the face if they deserve it. I don't get it! How could I be fired? Turns out there is a 180 day probation period and I am on my 179th day. "I'm not a good fit for Bar...." WTF? I'm the top seller, I was told they are making a service manual based on my performance, I get plenty of compliments to the managers based on my service. None of this makes sense, but I'm too blown away at the moment to make the connection. PS: Still not grasping that a multi-national, enormous corporation in the middle of NYC could possibly be doing this.

Monday morning I get to my union office to talk to my rep. He says, yeah they got this probation period and they can let you go for any reason at all. I pull out a copy of my letter to HR regarding Terry's behavior. Holy fuck! My rep goes bananas!!

the end of this story is Terry got walked out by security, word got out that he had 7 complaints against him, the director of HR barely clung to her job (and as far as I'm concerned, she should have been fired, she handled this wrong in every fucking way possible) and i have not seen her since even tho the ladies locker room and bathroom is just down the hall from HR. i was told that corporate lawyers were scrambling like mad, the head of our union got involved and there was all sorts of behind the scenes madness. I got my job back with back pay and massive apologies. I wish I had sued now. I could work from home on what's important to me. They got off lucky.

The second night I was back, a man got very drunk in the lounge and got a little weird about another man casually talking to one of his lady friends. There was really nothing going on btw them, just chatting. This guy gets up and goes for the second man, throwing his drink and glass at him and just raging. the bartender, who is about 50 and has years of experience and is reasonably built runs for security. the barback and the male waiter (who works out and is proud of his muscles) disappear. I walked right up to the man and put my face directly into his. this man is taller than me by 6 inches and considerably larger. He screams, "get out of my way! I'm gonna get that bastard!" And I say very calmly, "no you aren't." and every time he tries to get around me, I move myself right in his direction, keeping my face inches from his. I wanted him to touch me, push or punch me b/c I wanted to tear him up. I wouldn't winand I didn't even care. I could do some damage and I so wanted to. I was tasting blood, but I was so calm. I defused the whole thing so by the time security got there, he was sitting down.

And I look back on it now and still remember how enraged I was. how much i wanted to hurt someone, I was just waiting for the opportunity.

I guess I still had some issues. heh.

gballsout's picture
Posted by gballsout on 22 August 2005 - 4:36pm
just in case

I'm looking over the comments and prolly many men would not think they were objectionable. Not only were they, but it was the tone and you know what I mean. for those men, I want you to think of this: If someone said those things to your girlfriend or your sister, you'd lose your fucking mind.

Sad tho, what that means. You are often only defended by other men if you actually "belong" to one.

gballsout's picture
Posted by gballsout on 22 August 2005 - 4:40pm
powerful posts


im from the blog next door and i followed a link to your blog entries tonight. your posts are the best, most honest, most insightful writing ive read recently (and i read a lot). you communicate so well. i would disagree though, with your statement that many men won't find your experiences objectionable. i feel the right kind would. the sad thing is, it seems not too many of them work in your industry, and thats not only a pity, thats something that must change.

bayprairie's picture
Posted by bayprairie on 23 August 2005 - 1:15am
oh and don't get me wrong

i dont mean to critize either by saying i "disagree". another sad thing is the "right kind" are also few in number. i don't mean to imply that right thinking men are sprouting out of the woodwork, they aren't. i'm just sort of saying every once in a while you'll find out a few do exist. k?

bayprairie's picture
Posted by bayprairie on 24 August 2005 - 3:06am
critique or not

you need NEVER apologize for your statements. I just don't get offended or worried. I may post my thoughts about your response but I have a pretty thick skin. It's a discussion in progress and challenging anything I might say is good for me. Keeps me thinking and on my toes.

No apologies need be made. :-)

gballsout's picture
Posted by gballsout on 24 August 2005 - 9:26am